return

Spring, finally! Though it's still cold (burning fires and wearing sweaters), the snow is slowly melting and the sun seems warmer and happier.

It's been awhile since I wrote. The year's been both fast and slow. The fastness that comes with aging, motherhood, keeping busy... and slowness that comes with endless chores, evening exhaustion, and a long winter. But we're rounding a corner, thanks to the weather, and light and energy is returning.

We've closed down our store's brick location - not because it was unsuccessful or unenjoyable, but simply to simplify. We're operating online-only, allowing for more reserves, flexibility, and freedom. It was a great experience, running a small town shop, and I'm glad we did it.

2013 is shaping up to be a wild ride in itself, but more on that later.

Our kiddo continues to be awesome, doing his own thing, at his own pace, and taking us all along for the ride. His joy and giggles know no bounds, and every day is a happy one. Our adventures through the medical system have only strengthened my resolve to remain an intense and dedicated mother, continually being proven that my own motherly intuition is the height of knowing his abilities and strengths. And even then, he surprises me, and I expect this will always be the case. What lucky parents are we.

:)

When the heart is full, the words are few.

cows, baby, biz

Last night while we were watching a movie, Farmer D came by to drop off gifts: veggies for me the vegetarian, and a box of frozen meat goods for the hubs. Also, some cash. It's a nice transaction, to gets some local eats, a nice chat with a well-knowledged (and willing to share) farmer, and a little dough, for looking after majestic cow creatures. Cows are special, even tho they're doomed. They came over from the next farm (extremely dry summer so looking for grass, and able to cross the usually uncrossable marshland) and are staying to eat at our place. There's over 25, half babies. It's lovely and the farm feels farmy now.

I thought this year would be THEE year of hyper-documentation, with the baby and all he does. Also because I'm "not working"... but... time is so precious and all that. A's naptimes are well-spent. Also, living in the moment - everything is always happening now and I have willingly let myself become immersed in that. As a result, I'm the happiest I think I've ever been!

But in the spirit of baby news... A's 8 months now and continuously astounding and beautiful. He seems to be a "late bloomer" with things like sitting and crawling and feeding himself but am confident that will all come, of course, and just watching him grow at his own pace.

He's getting a little more hammy/goofy... sometimes making himself laugh. He also seems to be newly exploring the emotion "anger", waking up early in the morn seemingly pissed off - aggressively foot-thumping and baby-yelling. Though other mornings a peek in the crib yields a smile from the sweetest little cherub of a lad. I honestly can't think of any complaints with Arch - the kid's a gem. He sleeps wonderfully and plays solo happily and rarely cries.

The house is still a construction zone: pails under the kitchen sink, missing drywall, door-less closets, piles of flooring stacked, tools everywhere... all made tolerable by the thought of a nicer home in the end.

Prepping for an online store for our store - it's overdue. We have high hopes for it though will be pleased with anything. Speaking of which, time to get back at it. It's nice to code again. I like PHP.

a whole lot of nothing

Dad sent me a comic strip, many years ago, when I was kinda down in the dumps. It's on my bulletin board now and makes me smile. It's a picture of a bumblebee thinking, "Hmm, what's on my list to-do today?"...... "JUST BEE" ..... "bzzz....♥". This is basically my life on maternity leave. A whole lot of nothin but happily being and buzzin.

The Arch man is becoming quite the little lad... he's LOVELY. So gentle and happy and clever. This kid has made my life wondrous and I am thankful every day. 7 1/2 months already! Here he is with his aunt:

Other things on the go:

• IKEA Kitchen planner
• Chasing runaway dogs
• Feeling depressed about my fried garden and then saying "oh well"
• Manual removal of milkweed
• Looking out the window at a large pile of wood
• Being surrounded by home renovation materials
• Looking at commercial properties for sale and dreaming
• Celebrating 2 years married to a hilarious and lovable man
• Trying not to think about going back to work
• Writing a short story for a magazine contest
• Store orders

 Bzzzzz.... ♥

artist mother

I have all this time and all these ideas. How to sew the two together is still being worked out. I used to have nothing but time, in my early 20's, and even more ideas, and I did well to work them... I would stay up late with a typewriter wearing a nightgown and a toque, smoking cigarettes. It was a weird time but I was really productive, and I look back on some of my poetry, sketches, and writings and think "shit, that was good stuff"... and then feel a little nostalgic, tho I'd never go back.

I'm reading Patti Smith's memoir "just kids" and it's got me in a certain state of mind, like I'm reliving my own past in the background. Back when lofty ideas of artistry and the making of things were real and happening. Back when all the kids around me were doing the same thing. I lived in a house with artists and a rainbow coloured staircase in Baldwin village.

Life is better now but I want to get back to making artistic use of my time. Even if it doesn't mean anything to the outside world, it's good for me. I used to make music but now I don't care for it so much. I'd rather write. Or make videos. Or take photographs. Or I dunno. Anything. I still have many months before going back to work, and Archer is usually accommodating to whatever, so it's just the doing part. What to do and when. Hopefully soon it will amount to more than just drinking too much coffee and writing about how things used to be.