a whole lot of nothing

Dad sent me a comic strip, many years ago, when I was kinda down in the dumps. It's on my bulletin board now and makes me smile. It's a picture of a bumblebee thinking, "Hmm, what's on my list to-do today?"...... "JUST BEE" ..... "bzzz....♥". This is basically my life on maternity leave. A whole lot of nothin but happily being and buzzin.

The Arch man is becoming quite the little lad... he's LOVELY. So gentle and happy and clever. This kid has made my life wondrous and I am thankful every day. 7 1/2 months already! Here he is with his aunt:

Other things on the go:

• IKEA Kitchen planner
• Chasing runaway dogs
• Feeling depressed about my fried garden and then saying "oh well"
• Manual removal of milkweed
• Looking out the window at a large pile of wood
• Being surrounded by home renovation materials
• Looking at commercial properties for sale and dreaming
• Celebrating 2 years married to a hilarious and lovable man
• Trying not to think about going back to work
• Writing a short story for a magazine contest
• Store orders

 Bzzzzz.... ♥

one domestic eveninggg

Long day at the office on top of a slow day at the store, home a bit after 5. Husband working late. Pet dogs, sit on porch, breath. Deadhead baskets and pots of porch flowers. Rub belly, smile. Pet dogs again, sit on porch again, breath. Strip bed, throw blankets and pillowcases in the wash, start washing breakfast dishes. Put eggs on to boil, cut up potatoes, put those on to boil. Bring chickens kitchen scraps, clean water, collect eggs. Feed dogs. Pick chives, make potato salad for my hard-working husband and put in fridge. Eat a pickle. Eat some hummus. Eat crackers, drink water. Take butter out of fridge and find a cookie recipe with hopes it'll turn out and be a gift for neighbour's birthday, and excuse to visit. Hang laundry on the line, breath. Make cookies (chewy oatmeal choc chip), bake cookies, smell cookies. Smell lilacs in vase on kitchen table. Call, bribe, chain Luna who seems to wander to the road in the evenings to chase neighbourhood walkers, joggers, rabbits. Wash potato salad and cookie dishes. Yell at barking dogs. Eat cookie... not bad. Drink water, take vitamin, enjoy breeze through windows, singing frogs. Three hours of barefoot, pregnant, domestic bliss. Blog.

whisk goofing

response ability

For the past two years D and I have enjoyed our lovely home in the country, relatively problem free. Sure the snow blower might break down in the winter, but it's easily fixed with the help of a good neighbour. Maybe the firewood is too fresh to burn well one winter, but next winter it's bone dry and keeps us very warm. Sometimes Whisk will enjoy the company of a skunk and stink to high heaven, but we tomato juice him and move on. It's all deal-with-able. You deal and you continue forward.

It's funny getting to the point in adulthood tho, where you realise this train of moderate disaster will never end. There's always something just over the horizon that will make your to-do list longer, your bank account smaller, and your R&R time less relaxing. The real ticket then, is to make the moderate feel mild by accepting this inevitable future of obstacles. Make sure to laugh, make sure to plan for the unplanned, make sure to fit in a good meal and a movie. Because life goes fast... and if you just focus on the bummers, it's a bummer. But if instead you see them as learning opportunities in your life long quest for happiness and fulfilment, it's all good.

This week: pricey new brakes on the car, mushrooms in the bathtub, and a chicken coop. This week was also: a dinner & jam session (think jerry lee lewis on the piano) with our new white-bearded artist friend, whole-wheat pumpkin seed honey bread, and an excellent Monday of sales at the store. Roll with it.

springing

I'm watching the snow melt. There are now patches in the fields where it's gone and, along the house especially, the rest is disappearing quick. The parsley survived, and even swiss chard is growing up through the snow! Bulbs are poking their heads up too.

Tried planting some lettuce in a bare spot in front of the porch, covered with plastic containers as cloches. Minus the one Whisk chewed apart, I'm hopeful something will grow under them. Greens in March would be fabulous.

Loving the sun, and making a point to break now and then to sit out in it.

solo dayz

D left for the Sound again to visit relatives again, soon heading back to England. He's been into the 'stuff you should know' podcasts recently and so Josh and Chuck have become good company in the evenings. With D gone, I hung out with the two for awhile and learned about government experiments, witchcraft, and now 'can you control your dreams?' is queued up. Sitting by the fire, sleeping pets, wine. The lovely, always appreciative of it, usual.

The big wedding stuff is finally sorted and we're now onto dotting i's and crossing t's. The fun details that make planning a big bash kinda fun. It's really real to think D and I will be officially together forever in just four short months. I'll be a WIFE! GOOD GOLLY!

D got carded at the beer store yesterday (he's 34). Just wanted to document that - it happens all the time, despite his grey patches. It's kind of awesome.

Spring is sprunging - I got to walk around Toronto in sneakers the other day. That felt good. I walked all the way to Princess Margaret where they told me all is well. Kinda skipped back to work. Massive, massive, massive relief.

This weekend is wide open. I got books out of the shelves, piled and ready, if I want, whenever I feel like it. Ooo... maybe I'll finally get a card at the Bobcaygeon library.

febrrruary

Peppermint tea in bed... brought to me by my love, now gone to work. Mo is purring beside me trying to attack my laptop and fingers. -15C this morning but once the sun is shining it should get up to -4. I miss waking at 6am to the sun, but it is getting lighter earlier.

The days are very slow but the months are fast. It's been an easy winter - not a lot of snow, not a lot of intolerably cold temperatures. Sort of a great winter, but I've been keeping warm indoors, skiis and hockey sticks sitting idly on the porch. Oh well. It's gonna be fun to have kids someday, yanking our sleeves to get up off the chair, away from the fireplace, and out the door. Doing stuff is usually more fun than not. Tho hibernation can feel pretty great too.

Am adjusting to a new haircut... always takes awhile to feel like yourself again, but I'm appreciating the lack of knots, the lightness, the change. The hairdresser thought I was 22. I also got shampooed for the first time in 2 years which wasn't nice. Apple cider vinegar rinses have since returned its bounce and shine.

In other news: black garlic, the return of making music, atwood, nail polish, bird feeders, wedding plans, seeds, seeds, and more seeds... for a kick ass 2010 garden.

quietest

Whisk is allowed on the bed when D's away. He's in the city tonight, recording with his band for a few days, so the dog's keeping my toes toasty while outside blows a cool -28C windchill. The fire on in the front room finally sends heat back here, since improving our attic and crawl space insulation last week. Another house to-do off the list. Soon we'll get to the more exciting stuff (counters! sinks! doors!).

Spent the day in bed, sick. Being sick is such a strange thing, but the best part is how great you feel when it leaves you. You even feel better than you did before you got sick. Tonight I feel a little less awful than earlier so hoping tomorrow I'll be well enough to get groceries and maybe even work on some music.

The house is so quiet when it's just me and the dog and the cat. It's a heavy kind of silence in that everything stays so still in its place - any moving or shaking comes from nature or weather. I like it. I like how truly alone and undisturbed I can be here. A very insular, internal existence... living in the womb of a two-bedroom bungalow.

And so quiet compared to the Christmas bustle too. Two families, lots of driving, lots of relatives, lots of friends. Lots of food, lots of gifts, lots of card games. Not a feeling of excess tho... more like a full, satisfying completeness. All topped up for another few months of winter, and another year. Merrily we roll along.

fall feelin'

Brr it is chilly! The cold landed in so quickly. Last night we had our first fire. What a difference aged wood and a clean chimney make, it was roaring in no time (last year, a late wood delivery made for painful fire starting and a mucked up flue).

Getting to see family more often now that we live closer. So nice. When in Toronto, I'd take the Greyhound to the valley, about a 6.5hr trip, and only on limited days. Now that we live further North with cars, it's a 2.5hr drive through country-side.

My folks and both brothers live in the town I grew up in. B was showing us his amazing pumpkin haul this year. M has been doing road-construction all summer out west but is home this weekend. We'll be 5 for thanksgiving... nice when that happens. Thanksgiving already! And just last month we (er, D) helped dad take out the dock.

We've started making fall to-do lists before the real winter hits. This weekend we'll pile wood on the porch, clean up the gardens, put the lawnmowers away, buy a freezer. Country lyfe!

thoughts along the way

A post-work band practice leaves me walking to Union along King St., where I enjoy daydreaming about the other living lives there. Lives that have expensive clothes, condos, late night dinners on restaurant patios, laughter and socializing with similar folk, city air, cigarettes, wine, and work tomorrow (high-salaried, important). I think about years ago, when I was a young cityzen. Dancing on a Wednesday night, laughing with friends, booze, warm dark streets, falafels, city parks, dates, bike rides, and so on. Do I miss it and will I ever return to it? Maybe. Maybe. (30min walk from space to train station).

On the train ride I have with me an iPod and a book. Nerves always take some coaxing to settle so instead of philosophical podcasts I load up the "chilled out" playlist and get into the conclusion of this novel. Finally, the characters make it across the glacier, after 80 or so days of travel, and are welcomed, fed, and taken care of by villagers in the nearest town. (40min train ride from city to suburbia)

A tylenol (busy day at the office... or maybe it was the amplifiers), a big sigh, a big stretch, and I'm off, CBC with me in the passenger seat. First an interview with Geddy & Alex of RUSH (what life would be like as a rock star), then an interview with Diana Athill (I hope I am so well at 91). She says 'silly' is a better disciplinary word than 'naughty' for children, the later being somewhat "dashing". (1.5hr drive from suburbs to country)

The car turns off... I get out and look at the moon. I've been noticing my car's shadow in it for the last 30min of the drive. The stars are faded by its fullness. I screw in the second light bulb, the one beside the front door, because the moths and night bugs are hiding from the cold now. Whiskey is so happy to see me his body slides side to side at the power of his wagging tail. D is waiting up for me. Peace & happiness.

summer's day

There are days where I'm filled with the greatness of life, its possibility, hopes and dreams, happiness. This morning the birds are singing, the chimes are dinging, and the wind is so soft and warm.

inside the living land

A walk in our bush on the long weekend - beautiful. Wish we could go further and further in without the risk of getting lost (need compass) or being confronted by a bear (need bear-bells? pepper spray?). The feeling of being a guest, a foreigner, a stranger in the unknown depths of trees and trees and fields and trees and trees and stone fences and trees and trees and trees and swamp land... haunting, yet alluring. Like a dream. And it is interesting to me that as captivating as the forest is, we spend so little time in it, have explored so few acres of it.

I've no doubt the issue is perceived safety, but I also know this is mostly fueled by ignorance. I grew up in the fields and bush and creeks of Killaloe (mom called us to dinner with a cow bell), but that was many years ago, and traveling/city streets have instilled in me that 'needing to know' hyper-awareness of one's surroundings, for actual safety. I am sure here the animals will leave me be, for the most part, and the branches will stay put high in the rafters of the forest ceiling, for the most part, but there is never assurance. There is a lot going on in these depths I have yet to understand and trust to know my place in. So instead I respect my unknowing, and leave the acres of trees and trees and animals unscouted. I will learn and wander more as our years together let us grow accustomed. Despite officially being the owner of this land, I know it is not mine.

terra cotta

A summer's day today. Hardening off tomatoes, peppers, miscellaneous plants. Working on the porch with my laptop. Clothes drying in the sun, dog panting and sleepy, cat playing in the grass (we've been letting her out... supervised), bees and hummingbirds stopping to visit, a peaceful wind, and earfuls of glorious birdsong.

Alas, off to Toronto tonight. But small price to pay for this beautiful lifestyle. And I'll be staying with great friends, checking in at the office, and practicing for our show on Saturday in Mississauga. Good things. My finger is starting to bend again, so should be a better practice than last week (could barely play plus my amp died. ugh). Strack is lending me his music man till mine's outta the shop. Will have to tape my finger up good so it doesn't split... stitches are out!

Plant splurge on Saturday: two hydrangeas (anabelle and pink diamond), rosemary, pineapple sage, silver thyme, woolly thyme, curry plant, oregano, chocolate mint, english ivy, a pretty trailer called helichrysum 'mini silver', some red onions, and a japanese barberry bush. ta da!

It was an otherwise lazy long weekend, but much needed, and we spent some time exploring the bush a little - it's so beautiful. Photos to come.

in winter

Snowed in and cozy. Alone with the domesticated animal kingdom inside, and the rest out in the dark. Wind that can make you sit up and wonder, but know it's just the wind. Because no one would come this way, in this weather, at this time of night, with only a moonlit sky to guide them. Finishing the dark, cold, candle-lit adventure of Neverwhere feels appropriate and satisfying (good read!). A new quilt on the bed for the night's big chill.

The morning's sun glitters in the fields like diamonds, which cover my eyelashes when walking up the road with trusty canine sidekick, -20C no thang. No neighbours or neighbours' pets out. Just us. I shovel a little spot for D's car, coming home now that highway 26 reopened. Happy to resume conversation and company with fellow human, especially such a good one. Toronto plans delayed until it makes healthy sense to drive, perhaps Wed night, as we're due for another storm tonight and tomorrow. Yes, I see it's already begun!

meditation

Today is thoroughly about the slow pace. Woken up by the nose of a yellow lab, staying warm under covers while my love makes coffee, watching the sky change from pink to orange to blue out new windows, getting up to get the fire going again, reading the big Saturday newspaper, making hummus... that kinda day. Right now I'm on the couch with Whiskey lying at the end (nice leg rest), Moe's over on the chair. Belly full, fire going, sweat shirt and leggings, etc. D's visiting his folks till Tuesday so I'm enjoying a quiet quiet night. Just the fan of the fireplace really, and this.

We didn't realise the Dharma Centre was just around the corner till after moving here. D drives by it all the time now as it's close to his work. Looking at their retreats online, I see there are a lot of very cool opportunities but with steepish price tags. So for now, a reminder of the richness of meditation... and perhaps a weekend to save for ;)

Tho a whole place dedicated to the experience just up the road - why not here too, for free? Mindfulness practice was a life-saver years back but since feeling well again, has been put on the shelf. And everyday since stopping, I've missed it. So tonight, in the quiets, I sat on the rug by the fire, crossed my legs, straightened my back, and breathed. sooooooooooooo... huuuummmmmmmmm... sooooooooooooo... huuummmmmmmmmmmmm... Not ten breaths in, there is a small prickle at the ends of my fingers. Attacked by the claws of a small beast, my hands are pawed into action - scooping her up and placing little Moe in my lap, I can't help but smile. The interruptions of my country life are really little meditations themselves.

scentses

Buttery organic coffee with a dash of JP's irish cream. Rosemary taters. Wood piling, musty and spiced, like the hot smokey fires to come. Sweat and grass with a late afternoon rain. Wet dawg.

Cinnamon, nutmeg, and freshly ground cloves: acorn squash muffins just out of the oven (thanks bro for giving me so many I had to search for a use. Squash muffins are delicious! Who knew?). D and I have already downed two each. Swallowed down with a creamy vanilla coconut chardonnay, and he with a bottle of 50.

autumn

A week of grey skies and wetness but at a home like this, living with my love and pets in the country, it's a time to keep warm and cozy... and prepare for winter. Saturday morning drives, big grocery shops, visits from friends. Red wine, zucchini casserole, dark chocolate. Big sweaters, warm socks, scarves. Sitting by the fire after dinner, playing guitar, snuggling. Insulating crawl space, piling wood, servicing snowblower. Snow tires, a hole for ashes, garlic. Vases of purple asters, crisp clean air, tea.

Also: bears!

evolving

The mornings have grown chilly. New windows aren't in yet, not till mid-October, so cracks and rotted frames have inspired blankets, sweaters, and the odd touch of thermostat on the baseboard heaters (haven't received a hydro bill yet so the electricity fee has yet to scare us). We have a bit of hardwood piled, leftover from the previous owner, and some kindling from L&J, so if it gets colder we're okay. It's really not THAT cold, we're just still adapting, coming off the thoughtlessness of landlord-funded heating, and the insulation of Toronto's vast city-ness. We've agreed on investing in some wicked slippers and house-coats and maybe a bear skin rug by the fire... naw.

D ended up working today, so I'm left trying to puzzle out if I should keep the noon appointment I've made to go see a dog...! "Free to a good home" 3yr old yellow lab. He sounds poifect and am a little worried another family is gonna snatch him up, so maybe I should go for it solo.

Other than that, till up a bed for the garlic (4' x 12' ish). We ordered 5 pounds of Music and 2 pounds of German Red to get us started. This initial making of the bed will be hard work as our fields are full of ROCKS. Then later tonight, we'll drop in on the neighbours, beers in tow, and have a night.

p.s. Capital Letters!

getting cozy

came home from a few days in the city to my love and our cat. lit the fireplace to get rid of the new autumn chill (and give the new insert a spin - works great). snuggled up and chatted. coming home never felt so good.

friday

it is with usual eager anticipation that i'm counting the afternoon hours till work is over and the weekend is here. seems like the first one in awhile where i'll get to be totally at home. which is actually sort of strange to anticipate as i'm -always- home, telecommuting into work. but tomorrow will be uninterrupted, guilt-free time in the garden, reading, relaxing, and doing small chores. will be solo too, as d is visiting his folks this weekend. sunday am off to the city for a few days... city visits lately being a very chill time spent feeling overwhelmed, if that make any sense.

the weather today is strange: wind wind wind (the chimes are rockin' on the porch - considering taking them down for a break as i'm getting chimed out). just waiting for the rain that doesn't seem to want to fall.

have been getting up with d all week ~6am. waking with a surprise amount of energy and vigor for life, happiness, not to mention extra hours in the day. this morning (after letting a skunk pass by) i was pulling cedar logs around at 7am in my nightgown. putting them along the end of the driveway to try and mark a separation between drive and yard. right now it's all blendy.

4 more hours!