quietest

Whisk is allowed on the bed when D's away. He's in the city tonight, recording with his band for a few days, so the dog's keeping my toes toasty while outside blows a cool -28C windchill. The fire on in the front room finally sends heat back here, since improving our attic and crawl space insulation last week. Another house to-do off the list. Soon we'll get to the more exciting stuff (counters! sinks! doors!).

Spent the day in bed, sick. Being sick is such a strange thing, but the best part is how great you feel when it leaves you. You even feel better than you did before you got sick. Tonight I feel a little less awful than earlier so hoping tomorrow I'll be well enough to get groceries and maybe even work on some music.

The house is so quiet when it's just me and the dog and the cat. It's a heavy kind of silence in that everything stays so still in its place - any moving or shaking comes from nature or weather. I like it. I like how truly alone and undisturbed I can be here. A very insular, internal existence... living in the womb of a two-bedroom bungalow.

And so quiet compared to the Christmas bustle too. Two families, lots of driving, lots of relatives, lots of friends. Lots of food, lots of gifts, lots of card games. Not a feeling of excess tho... more like a full, satisfying completeness. All topped up for another few months of winter, and another year. Merrily we roll along.

raw truths

Oh body of mine, why art thou such great reminder of things done, things not done, and things left to do? I suppose we just are what we live and it's not good or bad, but is. Each moment we are ourselves (past, present, future) all in one. I enjoy all three and will continue to learn, love, and nurture.

The path to real healing has begun with the goal being a stronger immune system and a peaceful mind. Good vibes, happiness, health. Already I feel the life force brightening within me. It is hard to describe other than calling it a stronger sense of well-being. The motivation behind it I shall keep vague for now: a biopsy, a diagnosis, a warning. Luck murkied in the realisation of unwellness, but luck no less, and a chance to change.


I've been reading everything I can about the raw food diet and its magic. As much sense as it sounds, there seems to be a lack of science, so yes, magic. (Similar to other things in the world not hyper-defined, yet right). So for the past week+ it's been smoothies and salads and good old fashioned vitamins. Not too extreme, but making sure to get lots of good stuff in. So far I'm doing "raw till dinner" and then dinner is usually a vegan something (cooked). Also, slow stretches, and laughter, and breathing. It's time to feel good and good about feeling.

I bought a 3-tier sprouter (sprouts are so good for you!). I know I will like it because I love to garden. I also love sprouts.

Speaking of garden, I've rented a tiller for the weekend! Extending the garden and really making it real. I'm guessing it'll be about 30x30' plus two raised beds that are each 4x8'. Lots of room to GROW.

here comes the paint

"How can we plan a wedding when we can't even paint the bedroom?"

So yesterday shelves were emptied, floors were swept, the bed was moved. A little sanding to be done on the new window header drywall (exposed for almost a year?!), priming, then paint over the entire room's brown walls, and new baseboard. Yes, it will be done! Then, a wedding.

I can't wait to get married - we'd do it tomorrow if it wasn't necessary to include our loving gang of family and friends (it is necessary, right?). The venue we picked out had to stop doing weddings so now we're back to square one with t-minus 8 months till show time, if we stick with the date we picked out. That's fine. But a venue really kick starts the rest of the planning, so we're still in limbo. Stay tuned. Every day I think of a new scenario for how it could all go down (cheaply, mindful of respective parents travel situations, low stress, fun?).

Last night I had a bridemare - not the first. The reception was in a too-big hall, the food was crappy, and most people left early. I was sad. In an attempt to salvage things, I found a small radio but wasn't sure what to tune it to to make everyone dance and be merry. At the end of it all, I glanced down at my left ring finger to take in the ultimate joy - being married. Expecting a glint of white gold to shine over the evening, I instead found a ring on my middle finger made of a petrified mushroom. What the?! D said he found it on the street. Dad was polite and said it was very beautiful.

I'm not sure what these silly dreams mean, but I hope they will fade once we figure out what we're doing and start making plans for it. In the meantime, painting the bedroom will feel good. Insulating the house too. Cleaning up the yard. Real things that make sense.

spring take two

Another snow fall, another big melt. But this time I think we're in the clear - temperatures for the week are calling for above 10C every day which means... actual SPRING. YES.

This long Easter weekend, some family came to see me! Mom arrived Friday and bro came for a bit on Saturday. Scrabble, wine, grilled-cheeses, and lots of yardwork. Old gardens remade, and other old gardens dismantled. A little effort to make the place look cared for. There's still a lot to do, but it's a good start. Also, Mom brought me a chocolate bunny and I've almost demolished the entire thing. Wheeeee!

We also did a little trip to Bobcaygeon. With Bigley's store being the big destination for many, we dropped in so mom could check it out. And we bought shoes. Boy, did I ever buy shoes:
Shiny!

In other news, Mo is really into the blanket mom crocheted me.
I guess she likes being able to hide but still see through the holes? She falls asleep like this, buried. It's adorable.

One more thing - work is sending me to San Francisco for a week! I leave Apr 25th and get to stay in a nice hotel and work on a cool project at Berkeley. Pinch me.

merrily we roll along

giving the first morning hour over to plants. i call it "plant time". wake up, wash, dress, eat, then re-pot, prune, water, weed, etc. an hour goes by so fast but it's enough to make me feel more okay about another day in front of my computer screen, working.

having random moments of elation. good sign. just so happy to have this beautiful space and quiet and house and cat and boyfriend... life is good.

a woman from the peterborough green up is coming by at 1pm to give me a free low-down on my well and septic. and tomorrow we'll get an energy audit and hope to qualify for some grant money from the government for the new fireplace insert and windows and whatever else we do! on and on...

moving

it's just so beautiful. i feel like i'm living in a painting. the roofers should be done tomorrow, then d and i are off to meaford friday morning to collect the uhaul and move all our furniture home! for work this week, my imac is balanced on a tray table and i'm sitting in a folding chair. furniture will make the place feel so much more ours, and so much more homey. the back rooms and hallways still need to be painted but it's getting there.

real work

this photo is from a post by gene logsdon on OrganicToBe.org. i don't really read the other writers on it, but gene's articles are always so lovely and helpful. i want to read his book, "the contrary farmer" but canadian amazon doesn't have it so i'm on the look out.

am reconnecting with the spirit of hard work. it's been awhile. i'm a software developer just moved out of the city - the pads of my feet are soft, my back weak and hunched, my nerves a little shaky. but i've been here nearly a week, each day filled with scrubbing, painting, lifting, fixing, and already i can feel my back is straighter, my feet tougher, and my sleeps deeper.

save for last night as there was a massive massive thunderstorm. lightning like i've never seen before and the wickedest cracks of thunder. i was shocked awake in the middle of the night, no love to squeeze for comfort, alone and a little frightened. i felt like a little girl for a minute before remembering my age and situation: a woman in her house in the country, listening to the rain. i had to recall this a few times after each bang of thunder but eventually i slept, smiling, feeling as if i'd made it through some sort of initiation.

ran some errands 'in town' today, list in pocket, car. a couple bottles of wine for the upcoming paint-a-thon and then to homehardware for supplies ("guess what i'm doing?," i say to the cashier. "painting?") and then to the groc for that other kind of fuel, food. the grocery store in fenelon is a mad house. it is a sobeys which means it's expensive and kinda slick and as fenelon is a hotspot cottager's destination, there are rich, slick cottagers everywhere (gee, been here a week and already waxing local!). surprisingly, happily, i run into my real estate agent's husband in the rice-milk aisle. they had dropped by a few days earlier to say hi (neighbours!) and drop of a hibachi house warming gift. we chat and it's nice and i like that i live in fenelon falls. on the way out, i ask the cashier about the insanity and she warns if the packers are out, turn around and come back another time. will do.

am thinking "plover" for the kitchen. or maybe "mercury glass"... beiges.

ta da

propped amid pillows and blankets, a suprisingly comfortable position on the inflatable bed, finally letting my achey bod rest. feet throbbing, the odd kink letting go as big breaths inspire muscles to relax... ah.

i'm at the farm and it's gorgeous.to own such a beautiful piece of land with a neat house that has so much potential feels surreal. not sure it's completely sunk in yet as d and i are in full on fix-it mode and it's yet to really feel like home. but it's definitely beautiful and comfortable and friendly and charming.

today was a day of painting. i twitch at the excitement of inevitable before/after photo posts. soon, as there's still stuff to do. am googling floor refinishing pics and gee, it's like night and day what a sanding and polish can do. we ripped out all of the carpet in the house (living room, hallway, office, and bedroom) and were pleasantly relieved by the presence of hardwood parquet under all of it. much better!

d's in toronto tonight to play a show, and then working in meaford for the rest of the week so i'm feeling out the 'home alone' vibe. so far so good. it's quiet and i feel friendly with all of the nature surrounding me, even the house flies and mosquitos that have come in (no screen doors! so doors wide open). tho i must admit, it does feel nice to have elvis around. even tho the neighbours are trying hard to convince him of his newly adopted home, he's confused about it and ends up spending most of his time at his old home - our the front porch. we took the cat, raja. she's miss independent but such a sweety when she comes to eat and get a cuddle. never thought of myself as a cat person really but raj is cool.

we're having a good time. between cleaning (the seller's filth was... astounding), trips to town (fenelon's beautiful but bobcaygeon has cheaper groceries), the odd dorky photoshoot (have yet to top d. wearing my new straw hat and posing westernly behind the kitchen's saloon doors), and, well, painting and fixing... there are moments of intense quiet and peacefulness that i haven't felt for awhile. in the city i used to really strive for it - meditation, exercise, big breaths - but here, it just is. i can feel it in the house, in the fields, in the forest. in elvis's bounding jog, in raja's prance, and in the smiles and conversations of everyone around. it's contagious.

learning

this owning-a-house thing is proving to be a wealth of new information! will start collecting little tips to look back on... i imagine there will come a day where i will reread this history and think "i can't believe i didn't know that!"

-thick paint rollers are better for wood panelling
-weeding takes longer than you'd think
-clothesline tighteners are genius
-keep candles and flash lights in specific places
-incense helps get rid of the smell of previous inhabitants and makes it yours
-listening to the radio makes you feel more involved with the world and less alone
-catnip will make your cat go off the hook
-living rooms are better without a tv
-free provincial long-distance is nice
-crickets are very loud
-door knobs come in different sizes
-black-eyed susans are way too expensive in pots and the seed is cheap
-having sheds is great
-shelves and shelves (vs. boxes and boxes) of books make you want to read
-roofs, windows, chimney inserts, water softeners, and firewood are all expensive but worth it
-a sewing machine can be exciting