the pursuit of beautiful things

Store duty this weekend means spending some extra time surfin' the www. Aside from stroller and car seat research (yawn), I've been on the hunt for some new interesting and inspiring blogs to add to my google reader. For obvious reasons I'm starting to add mama bloggers, tho still keeping up with a handful of small-scale farmers. Belly is growing, garden is getting more weedy. So it goes... one can only tend so many things!

*photo and handmades by my amazing sister-in-law maria

I'm in awe of all of those out there dedicated to surrounding themselves with beauty. Creating, collecting, capturing lovely bits to eat, hold, and look at. I yearn for making the time, having the patience to dedicate to this pursuit. Making our spaces, our clothes, our food healthy, clean, and ...beautiful. There's a part of the soul that needs that. Also the ability to capture it all artfully, preserving and showcasing such warm memories and accomplishments.

Curious to see if maternity leave will somehow motivate me - the desire to fill moments with special, important things that have real life, tangible payback, without distraction from work, and a higher priority put on home-life. I'm not sure. Trouble is I have a personality that's cool with casualness and half-assed-ness. My gardens flower, but they're far from admirable. Some day?

What am I doing instead of striving for beauty? Working, lying around, looking at blogs...

land and coast

Our feet were in the beautiful Massachusetts ocean Tuesday morning, but how easy it is to settle in back at home. Back to the grind of dogs, dishes, phone calls, laundry, etc. Was nice to get away. Thought the long car rides would be tough while pregnant but they zoomed by. I gave D a tour of New Hampshire for his 36th birthday, and mom gave him the tour of Vermont. Montreal's labyrinth of highways was easily navigated, Ottawa slow but steady. A few moments book-ended at the cottage with dad, enjoying the quiet there.

The ocean is a really special, salty, soothing thing. I thought baby would kick more when I swam in it but all was still, enjoying the surf. We took the train to Boston for a day to have lunch with my cousins and explore the Fine Art Museum. Then back to the cape for more family time with lots and lots of lovely relatives. To think we'll have a baby with us next reunion is a real charge. How will we travel then? To be determined, but rooms booked for August 2012.

I thought time would feel slower on return (the prep for the trip and getting the house ready for our farm sitter was busy) but we're back and there's more ahead. Good things tho - a baby shower BBQ for the little one on Sunday in the city, and a cottage weekend after that. I think the nesting thing is starting to kick in more - there's a building urgency to prepare, make lists, read books. A desire to strip out all distractions and focus on baby. Soon time to start planning it all out: the laundering of sleepers and prefolds, making food for the freezer, car seats and stroller and crib, finishing up at work... Enjoying it tho. It's really awesome to make space and get excited about our new arrival.

scheduling summer

Flipping through a Vesey's catalogue on a Saturday morning with a small cup of coffee. Still have some birthday money from my mother-in-law I think I'll put toward a few new bulbs. May-haps.

Today is a garden day. D will be at the store, then off to Toronto for band practice, so I've a wide open day and night, solo (and these wide open solo times will come to an end, I'm aware, I savour). I'd also like to do some writing. Mom lent me her copy of "writing down the bones" ages ago and I just pulled it down off the shelf. See what happens. I've pulled some cookbooks out too. It's that kind of day.

Friend M has got me into lemon water - I've unearthed a clay pitcher, a wedding present from J&M, and it is my new table companion. A full lemon, some ice, some water. Summer. Summer and a bowl full of lemons.

In belly news I finally, at 23 weeks, look undeniably like a pregnant lady. It's nice. It makes me feel like smiling at everyone and I think it might make everyone smile at me. My back has been difficult to manage so I've started frequenting massage and chiropractor offices and feeling better. Of course the real answer is to swim and walk and stretch - I'm having such trouble injecting these things into my schedule. The growing belly and sore muscles make the reality of inevitable labour and birth more apparent, and that I need to better prepare for this event physically. I'm getting quite excited to meet the baby, D too. Lately we feel like it's a little boy, but I think only because we just have a boy name ready. D insulated baby's room and will paint the ceiling and dry wall next week. Getting there. We also got a new baby name book so trying to make more progress there too.

The store is busy and summery and doing well. We've hired a friend to come in two days a week. She works M/Th, closed T, I work Wed, and most of the time D works F/S/S but we flex. It's odd to have 3 full time jobs between us, on top of house work (the wood still not piled or gravel spread... so it goes) yet I still feel optimistic about it all getting done in good time. We're capable people. The "little" things, like sewing wipes and burp clothes, organising my potting station, cleaning out the chicken coop, weeding the gardens, general cleaning also need to be fit into the spare moments. But it's nice to have things to do.

make way

New favourite garden flower is a hardy geranium called 'patricia' - a surprisingly large plant this year absolutely covered in long-blooming, dark pink flowers. The rest of the perennial garden is coming along... I think in a couple more years it could be glorious.

D's been working hard on the house whenever time allows - the small bedroom and hallway have been gutted (contents taken away by a dumpster we rented), and D's currently pulling up the old, scuffed parquet flooring. It's a slow, big job, but can already tell it's a worthwhile endeavour, good to get in before baby arrives.

There's also a load of gravel in the driveway (scored from D's work site for $50) and 4 cord of wood coming. Really have to watch the heavy lifting as it's tempting to get to work.

In other preggo news, grocery shopping has become more of a free for all than before, and it's kind of fun. One theme seems to be weird fake cheese eats (nacho cheese, kraft dinner, cheddar flavoured crackers). The nacho cheese and KD were thankfully one-timers, but sticking with the crackers. Am also super into honey nut cheerios. One day last week I ate some pickles chased with icecream and didn't realise till later how cliche I was being. Mmm.

I'm 32 this upcoming Wednesday which feels about right. Time is going quickly now. Funny to not be making time to slow time (meditation). Or physically/mentally prepping for things more... exercise, projects, reading, etc. We lost the internet for a couple days mid-reno and D and I both agreed it was kind of nice. I started reading a Charles De Lint novel mom lent me and it's a much nicer way to spend mental time than surfing the web. Speaking of which... think I'll see what happens next.

jet fueled

The reality of solo-dom disappearing soon hits me almost everyday, and in rushes a profound tender admiration for the woman I was in my 20's. Lost yes, but exploring, free to investigate, stuck, then free again, unleashed into the world. There's so much to see.

The other day a breeze hit me and I was transported back to the entrance of the Zurich art museum. Sometimes it's Spain, and a particular set of stairs in Seville. Or a bench I sat on in Edinburgh. Pizza in a small cafe in Solerno, a cheese pie in Croatia. Sometimes the train station in Paris, or the bus stop in Toulouse. A dirty sidewalk of NYC, a park in Boston, a bike ride on the beach of North Carolina's Outer Banks. Even the red sands of PEI's national park and the cobblestone of Montreal's old town. A dart of fear hits me: will I travel so freely again?

It's made me want to count my aeroplan points and devise a plan. A pregnant lady adventuring (desperately?) into an unknown, for the sake of that rush of uncertainty, something or someone new, freedom. Spending time in the beauty and wonder of the world, away from chores and work and any kind of responsibility other than finding some good food to eat and a decent place to sleep.

Travelling anywhere in summer is expensive, hot, and touristy... by fall I'll be too huge for a plane to carry me. Plus money and time that should be spent on other things, in preparation. Perhaps when I'm 60, an art class in Florence. Till then, a family and the adventure that IT is. Perhaps a family that travels.