long weekend

a five hour journey highlighted yellow in the map book, spanning 9 pages of shapely roads, taking thursday afternoon till evening. successfully avoiding highways to enjoy the country roads on a sunny spring day. east of orillia, along 45, is particularly beautiful, with seriously scenic ups and downs. i giggle passing norland (officially kawartha lakes) as the tragically hip song "bobcaygeon" plays on the radio. near kinmount, d calls and we talk about nice things as i cruise forward. after a brief lost cell signal, a stop in irondale for a bathroom break and heck, a snickers bar (this week is celebratory after all), the signal fades back and cousin b calls to arrange a catch-up brunch for monday. ring mom and dad to tell them it'll be another hour and a half as bancroft is still about 40km away. all in all, a good trip, and here i am.

after several sun salutations and simultaneous daydreams about yoga teacher training (in lindsay?) and a private practice studio (on the new farm?), i get up to make a salad in preparation for dins with the family. it's been early nights, early mornings, breakfast with eggs from the neighbour's hens, the ottawa citizen, coffee, checking out dad's garden, collecting perennials from a local plant sale & gerber's nursery with mom, and chats with the brothers when they swing by. bought dad two blueberry plants for his birthday (shhh, it's tomorrow. they're hidden behind the maple beside the driveway). apparently, in order to get berries, you need two different kinds for pollination. learn something horticulturally new every day.

these two paragraphs refer to thursday and today respectively. i am skipping friday because friday was insaneeeee! major stress and fright surrounding the big deal but by the end of the day, after a few bottles of beer with pops on the screen porch, i could take a big breath and know all was well. emails, faxes, phone calls, appointments... all such stuff now in order. PHEW!

to be or not to be

my stomach is in knots!!! the offer is being presented as i type and a decision will be made in a couple of hours hopefully. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.


UPDATE: I GOT IT!!!!

offer

it's been awhile and there is a lot to say. i could pick anything and go on at length: prose, peril, and passion. but for now i just wanted to document the anxiety i'm feeling about an offer i've put in for a 65 acre farm yesterday. it is a great house with lots of potential and such beautiful land with 20 acres of pasture and 45 acres of cedar and pine grove. i could go on but it would not be healthy until i know, tomorrow evening, if it's been accepted. because i am not the only offer - some dude drove by the property sunday and also put in an offer, without even seeing the house! so i'm scared he's a rich developer guy, poised to take my dream away from me. of course, there are always others. must keep my head about me. but my offer is solid, so now it's up to the universe... it is the best i can do.

i've been away from home since thurs morning's bus ride into the city. look forward to the return trip, finally, tomorrow at 8am.

that's it for now friends. must get back to the last hours of office work. there will be more soon, when in quieter times.

the pleasantries of grey

cell phone snap of georgian bay on a grey afternoon. but water, at the right angle, can reflect small amounts of light and so as i looked in, i felt brighter. this was a couple of days ago. the day after, new boots, and a hike with jp and her cousin (and per the dog of course) through the bush. it was full of trilliums and wild leeks. trilliums are our provincial wildflower so it feels proudly canadian to be hiking through a forest of saluting white blooms.

today and yesterday in the city again. it is grey here too and feels more insular than usual, but in a calm way, like the thick air is a blanket. got some stuff from noah's health food store - things tricky or impossible to find up north: vegan cream cheese, rice lasagna noodles, veg patte, jojoba oil, natural deodorant, and so on.

here i shall segue into a little blurb about my adventures in personal hygiene. feel free to skip it. last january i made a resolution to phase out enviro/self harming products full of chemicals - from home cleaning products to face washes and shampoos. a little more pricey, but felt better and greener. still couldn't understand a lot of the ingredients listed tho. then this january i switched to no 'poo (worst name) which is the term folks have been using for not using shampoo or conditioner. my hair was greasy and dull for the first month-ish of detox, but has been noticeably happier since. less oily, more body, less fuss, love it. every other week or so i wash my hair with a sprink of baking soda in water, and rinse with chai tea mixed with a little apple cider vinegar. apparently your head prefers to be acidic so the last step is essential. anyway, as a result of this success, i find myself shying away from a lot of products in general. my moisturizer has been used up so i've switched to plain jojoba oil. coconut oil replaces shaving creme and i think i'll try to concoct my own cleansers, scrubs and such. totally easy and cheap and why i've not thought to do it till now surprises me. think i'm entering a witchy phase of reading about essential oils, mixing herbs and eye of noot in the blender, riding a broom, etc.

twitter

ps. i joined twitter a few days ago (prefaced with the rationale that i am a hip web developer and have to keep on the up and ups of technology). i like it. we'll see how long that lasts, but for now i've added a little twitter thing to the side of the blog so you can stay 'hyper-connected' to me and know what i'm doing all of the time. creepy and oddly enjoyable.

so far major themes seem to be coding, eating, and looking out the window. sounds about right.

robin

a big fat robin has puffed up it's red breast, i'm guessing as a response to the chill in the air the past few days, and is pruning on the railing of the back porch beside my office. i like that i can sit here and work, glance to my right through the patio door, and see such a small and lovely bit of nature.

i've been writing less here than am willing and able to. might be because i program all day and to spend extra time in front of the computer for non-work stuff has become less attractive. in the city, sitting here gave me peace and calm, a respite from the busy streets. but now that the world outside has become... peaceful and calm, it no longer serves that great purpose and i'm instead a little anxious to finish my hours for the day and do something else. not even anything grand - the dishes, repotting tomato seedlings, petting the dog. i imagine more will come with time like recording songs, writing, making little films... tho darn, those are all in front of the computer too!

the robin flew away for awhile, mid-post, but now he's back, puffing and pruning. i want to name him. is big red too unoriginal?

blogs i like

gillian over at hit pay dirt was sweet enough to give me a giant E image award for excellent blog. so nice. i think it's one of those pass-it-on things so i'd like to note, other than gill, i love reading mike's tiny farm blog, milla's hilarious country lite, and elizabeth's pensive welsh hills again (and perez hilton but let's leave that one out). i'd also like to link to my girl jp, over at vine in a cold climate. d & i live here with her & her black lab in her beautiful house. she brought me coffee this morning.

postpone

programming so much it tires me
tired so much it makes me stay
home with movies and tea
but muscles are aching to leave

a run, a walk, a bike ride
anything for a heart beat and sweat
soon, till then
the odd back porch visit

city girl

on the green side of the drive it is open windows and laughter. but once things close up on the road, so does my chest. like a scared dog i gnash teeth and claw, the grey skies clouding my vision and awareness, negativity leaking into my blood where once there was fresh oxygen. finally, avoiding death, we park, but the aftermath of vehicular stress is already deep in my marrow.

shaking on the streets, there is luckily refuge above, twelve stories, in the home of a friend who is away. i storm there, growling at anyone who looks at me, especially the men and the crazies. for i am crazy myself with anger toward the existence of such a place.

then, a knapsack off my back, a big breath, a quiet room.

and the realisation that in only two short weeks i've transformed back into a country mouse, further proof that most likely i always was, despite a decade of trying otherwise.

in trinity bellwoods park, my love, now reconciled, reminds me i live away from here and that this is only a visit. with a kiss, a roti, and a rock show i'm relatively revived. by morning, again willing and walking the streets. early morning streetcar, knee socks, muffin from the cafe... it ain't so bad.

and by mid afternoon, returning from a quick and easy jaw appointment (TMJ gone), sashaying, wanting to sing aloud. for i am young, free, and visiting a great and beautiful city! expensive meals, pleasantries with strangers, heck, a massage appointment for friday at a shmancy yorkville spa (insurance covered of course). this is good, yeah, this is alright.

monday

thoughtlessly packed away the charger for my digital camera. will have to go digging in all the basement's boxes. small black cord... that should be easy to find. :|

this is the current view from my desk. :)

settling in

been meaning to write more but've been distracted by the tangible. tho life is slower here, it always feels like there is something to do and the time goes by quickly. in the city it was like shifting gears, always on the go or recovering from being on the go, but here it is an easy and constant pace... a tempo i think i'm most happy at. also enjoying spending time with d and roommates. living with my love is a healthy switch as i'm confronted with smoothing over my rough spots (idiosyncrasies blindly developed while living alone). i laugh, learn, and love daily... it's so nice i can hardly recall why i was so attached to living solo.

highlights of today include buying terracotta and cool little pots from the dollar store and baking some vegan chocolate chip cookies. gearing down. exhibits a and b:



notice am becoming person who snaps pics solely for blog purposes. getting the swing of this.

started michael pollan's "in defense of food" and although i'm only just into chapter two, it's already got me pausing mid-grocery-store-isle, product in hand, thinking. more on this later.

although i mostly do the vegan thing, have been perking ears to the fishermen (usually /fisherwomen too but have yet to see one) of the area. they're everywhere, settled along the shores of georgian bay. on a walk past the harbour last evening, i quizzed a resident fisherperson on the whats and hows (to which i received a "yr not from around here, are ya?"). rainbow trout, bait on a hook. this morning i asked jp's friend for more detail and apparently fish eggs in a sack, sunk with styrofoam is a popular bait. huh! interesting.

i guess dad put rods in our hands as soon as we were able to hold things so fishing warms me like any proud, happy, recurring, life-evolving childhood staple would. plus i'll admit an attraction to the primitive, connecting with nature, catching food from the wild thing. took a small bite of d's salmon the other night. hm, not sure yet. i sort of remember how to clean a fish. and that trip with uncle h and my bro deep in algonquin, along the robatai river... spinners, frying pan, butter.

revisit

wandered queen st. with different eyes. sites that would've once made me flinch or scowl are now "interesting" as i can leave it, not live with it. that sounds negative but what i really want to say is the city is beautiful that way.

met my lovely friend o outside the practice space, so we made dinner plans, and after dinner, returned back to the space to hear what he's been up to. violin and loop pedals and 5 amps. greatness.

this photo is from my last night out as a resident torontonian, with friends.

office space

before:


after:

phew

tea warming my hands but the only chill i'm easing is that of fresh air on my skin. the cold city is behind me now, south and east two and half hours. i could narrate the comedy of my move (antics of uhaul, pile 'o stuff that ensued, a late night journey and unpacking) but instead i'll type forward, looking back only to acknowledge and appreciate the steady love and helpfulness from boy, bro, and pal. couldn't have done it without 'em. and of course there was a visit to the folks on the same day, for a couple of days, that allowed me to rest, refuel, and borrow some wheels. i watched gardening and home renovation shows, a sign of the age and place i'm at. the five hour drive to meaford (i.e. home) was rainy but i felt sunny.

listening to the crows sing along with cbc as i blink at my code, the latest svn checkout of the sign language project. technically i am 'at work' and therefore, working...

i hear a cardinal too, which is reassuring. i was particularly fond of, and frequently cheered by, a red cardinal that lived in my toronto backyard. but sounds like he's got friends up here.

so long

beer bottles, wine bottles, uninteresting books, unflattering clothes, cobwebs, crumbs, filth in general, freezer burned vegetables, barely used condiments, cans with expiry dates of years past, more plastic bags, rubber bands, and twist-ties than ever needed, bills from 2006, dentist appointment reminders from 2007, take out menus for places i've never heard of, phone numbers i've never called, candidates i've never voted for, upstairs neighbours, landlord, old people who complain about my weeds, bathurst's ugliness, bloor street's trash, streetcars screeching, sirens, the smell of exhaust... adios!