Wednesday, March 26, 2008

so long

beer bottles, wine bottles, uninteresting books, unflattering clothes, cobwebs, crumbs, filth in general, freezer burned vegetables, barely used condiments, cans with expiry dates of years past, more plastic bags, rubber bands, and twist-ties than ever needed, bills from 2006, dentist appointment reminders from 2007, take out menus for places i've never heard of, phone numbers i've never called, candidates i've never voted for, upstairs neighbours, landlord, old people who complain about my weeds, bathurst's ugliness, bloor street's trash, streetcars screeching, sirens, the smell of exhaust... adios!

Monday, March 24, 2008

caught up in

it is my last week at work, as in physically working at my desk, and i am glad. had a 1.5hr meeting with a coworker today about a new project - an online web service for captioning videos. it will be a lot of work and i will have to learn all sorts of new things about ajax, webkit, quicktime, flash, server platforms, etc. the man i'm programming for is very hard of hearing (two hearing aids and lip reading) so coming into the office once a week is more important now as phone calls won't do. i'm looking forward to the work. as well, i'll be continuing on with a project that makes signlanguage flash objects that mimic web pages so you can make say, ASL-only websites without having to resort to english. of course, a result of working with funded projects in a research-based environment is that there is a lot of theoretical stuff that may or may not work out as stated in the grant proposals... so fingers crossed and being creative. also, lots of reading - how are other people doing it? can we partner with them? are there other technologies we can use that no one's tried yet? etc.

d and i had a lazy easter weekend, including a fantastic dinner at our friends' house followed by lots of beer and euchre. we have been shaking our heads at the fact that he has found a carpentry job for may where he'll be working on a toronto project. so it's possible he'll have to be in the city during the week, shortly after i move up there. silly. but it's good pay and hopefully the work will move closer to the cottagey areas shortly after.

band practice tonight. off i go.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

spring spaces

a warm and breezy day with a beam of sunlight on the forehead, small clicks of clothespins, bird song, swishing of grass and leaves. i yearn for such peacefulness spent in simple country. the smells and quiet sounds, the feeling of nature on my skin.... soon!!

here it is a gift to catch the modest scent of spring as it can dim in a city minute. earth and rain a reminder of... earth and rain. and family, childhood, essence of self. always with a smile.


my seeds arrived today but for now all i can really do is put a rubber band around them and pack the stash someplace safe. maybe i'll make a list of seeds to plant as soon as i land in at the new home, to satisfy the 'gotta do some gardening stuff' itch. and maybe d and i can design a light/seedling starter shelf thing to build this weekend when he comes to visit.

i took some photos of my office today, with the thought of posting before/after office space pics once the after part happens. won't miss the beige mess of cubicle walls and florescent lighting tho, to be honest, it doesn't completely phase me; the laughter of my coworkers and large neighbouring window are what make the place alive. i'll miss that but will gain a more comfortable office space of my own, fresh cut flowers, hardwood floors, singing aloud to music, and nearby canine friendship.

Monday, March 17, 2008


enjoying the sunshine and above 0 temps. opened the streetcar window to breathe and watch the different horizons of each passing street. this weekend i visited girlfriends and their children, discussed cd art, vacuumed the practice space, learned about mortgages. life in motion.

this week i'm assembling a moving crew and filling boxes - it all still feels surreal. not even that long ago, i'd've hardly thought twice about upping and going and starting anew, but now the seat of my pants no longer flies and i tend to grow moss all around me.


Thursday, March 13, 2008

moving away

had a wave of mutil... hesitation wash over me a few days ago. it happened while i was standing on the 4th floor of the four seasons centre for the performing arts (like in this image from their site), watching a ballet performance be workshopped. the beautiful dancers, the building, the strangers... looking out over a busy queen st. i felt really in love with the city. all of its possibilities, all the potentials of myself i could find here if i chose to explore them, the people i could meet and know and love, the importance and excitement of it all... and how i'm leaving it. it shook me and i let myself feel doubt for the first time in awhile. what am i doing? my life here is perfectly set up and great here - why am i going? there are still classes i could take, places to see, people to meet, things to explore... i smoothed myself over with the assurance that this was a temporary feeling, and reminded myself of the frustrations that coincide with living here. besides, perhaps i'll find similar inspirations out of the city too?


today was a slotted gym night but got distracted by my wicked stir-fry (2 plates) and a bottle of chardonnay. for 30 seconds i think, "i'll go tomorrow before work!" before acknowledging the very low probability of this. tomorrow after work then. i'm hoping i can find yoga or pick up volleyball or a highschool weight room in meaford and also in future new hometown. tho i will have the outdoors.

dad called with great news about my car situation. i find it amusing and kind of awesome how my family can make plans for me and i'm the last to know. fine by me. dad figures i have too many balls in the air at once so he's offered to lend me his car till the fall. he uses his truck in the spring/summer so it'd be mostly parked anyway. thoughtful papa. i'll have to put new tires on it but since my bro's got garage connections, i'll get a deal and he can put them on for me. team (surname)! come fall i'll buy something of my own, possibly mom's car, but will deal with that when the time comes.

two more weeks till the big move. need more boxes.

song, solved

creative commons and will let me post songs for free so here's one i made on the weekend:


on the town

mother & daughter drank, tapped feet to live jazz, laughed at somewhat dirty stand up comedy ("what's a camel toe?"), enjoyed a quiet breakfast out, watched free ballet at the four seasons centre (the walls are glass), explored the "wilds" of allan gardens, wound down with lunch and coffee at a vegetarian cafe in kensington market, watched a movie... we know how to do. enjoyed the visit and now am enjoying being solo again.

saturday was a day from the storm, in a studio. record is mastered now and it's time we press and print.

need to figure out how to post songs to this blog - the little songs i make and will make while alone in the country.

back to work. more in a bit.

Sunday, March 09, 2008


to remind me of the good times & flowers to come

yet another dump of a snow over the weekend. very crazy... we're setting records. i'm lying on the couch w/ my old laptop having some quiet time. found an old stash of incense and having been enjoying sandlewood smoke bellowing through the apartment.

Thursday, March 06, 2008


a photo of the officey corner of my living room, last spring (i believe those are tomato, marigold, and pepper seedlings by the window). will miss this beautiful home.

edgey today like on the brink of the difference between idle and active. on one side is the snooze button, 8hrs of uninspired slow programming, coming home to a supper of a sandwich, and watching a couple episodes of the wire. on the other side is waking up before the alarm, stretching, 8hrs of motivated and exciting project initiative, errands on the way home, minestrone for dinner, hitting the gym, scrubbing the tub/sink/toilet, doing the dishes... ta daaaaaa. what's strange is one side encourages the other.

tried to puzzle out the best times and distances via car, greyhound, GO transit for getting from meaford to toronto and back once a week. i never really thought about it. so last GO train leaves barrie at 7.15am and barrie is 1.5hrs away from meaford which means i'll have to be pulling out of the driveway at... 5.30am? eee that's mildly horrific. perhaps i'll come in the night before.

am in love with janet jackson's new hit and her dance moves. so buzzed by a few watches of the youtube vid, i pinged my gf to go dancing with me tomorrow night. OH YEAH.

Tuesday, March 04, 2008


befriended the running machine again - "it's been awhile little buddy" and off i went. did my routine in slow motion, going through the motions slowly but surely, lifting weights to old heights. i thought a couple of weeks away might've weakened me but was happy to see it was not so... just felt more rigid and sluggish. maybe i'll try to learn my legs to do the splits, said my revived motivation. have always admired dancer-like flexibility. when i got home and made a phone call, my mouth and thoughts were lazy... the body had won.

i wonder how commuting will be, if the road will tire me. it will hopefully be once a week at most, perhaps less. tho that's just toronto. there will be another commute to the east where my house-hunting will happen. tho i picture it being similar to a fun and exciting road trip instead of like a frantic day in the city, keeping office and band commitments. still, driving. i have my full licence thankfully but i've probably only used it a handfull of times in the past 10yrs. kind of freaked out and kind of totally into it... simultaneously. gotta get my road confidence and pedal feet back.

speaking of feet, i'm debating taking mom to the spa for pedicures. i bet there are many women who type such things into their blogs like "that's how i roll" but i've never had one. infact i've only ever been to a spa a few times (my benefits cover massages!) and i got my first bikini wax just last summer (jeeeeeesus). anyway... i bet moms has never had her feet did either so it might be fun. we can roll our eyes together.

Monday, March 03, 2008

good timing

spent a long day staring. looking at the screen, looking out the window. just kept quiet like i was doing real things when really the time was doing me. but 8 hours later i was with my boys and great guitar tone. set my pedal knobs like angel wings: the far left just left of middle, the middle one straight centered, and the right knob just right of middle. got home and turned the lights on in only one room, one that leads to an early bed time. almost...

had gazales eats with shoe and he told me about a guy that does't use time; it's useless to him. no clocks, no display on his computer. if he needs to know the time he googles "time". that way things can get done in 3 hours or 30 minutes and neither one is no thang. you can operate how you feel you need to without the tick tock on yr back.

i remember spending more of my life outside than inside. that was a long time ago. when only the sun measured our days and even then it was just a signal to sleep and start again tomorrow.

Sunday, March 02, 2008


d was up early this morning to drive home before the weather warnings came true. while he showered i packed up some more boxes - house plants and a small watering can at d's request (think he's nervous about killing stuff before i get up there), books (made sure erotica, "etc" made it in - might weird mom out when she helps pack? maybe not but won't risk it), art, vases, tennis rackets, cds... already feels so much barer. and real. i'm totally moving out. d's car-full is a fraction of what will happen on moving day a month from now. man, i remember the days a car-full was all my stuff.

feeling sort of low energy and sucky but am going to allow myself a day of rest and low expectations. sometimes ya gotta. queue "the wire"...

Saturday, March 01, 2008


this is a photo of my backyard, taken from my bathroom window a few weeks ago. am so ready for the big melt! 20 days till official springtime.

in the meantime, maybe i should try some winter sowing??