Friday, February 29, 2008

warming the chill

blizzard outside. coffee and warm socks inside.

i've been spending a little time exploring other people's blogs and my new love for google reader has kept me organised and up-to-date with the ones i've found. it's strange to decide to sort of make friends with someone without their knowing. maybe i'll come out of hiding someday and sprinkle some comments. till then... sorta fun to see the fruits of another human also pausing a moment to take notes. so far mostly gardeners; somehow the plants forge a universal kinship amongst us.

got a great real estate agent for the kawartha lake area. she sounded energetic and down to earth on the phone. "the people are so friendly here and it's beautiful!" looking forward to finding a home with her. i think it will work out. the muskoka agent has basically disappeared and i'm unimpressed. if i choose to get cosmic about it, it could be some sort of sign... that and there's a lot more to choose from in my price range in kawartha.

mom's coming to visit next sunday/monday. would like to help pack (aw) and get a dose of the city before her daughtaire ditches the place. my bro m was here earlier this week and i took tuesday off work to hang out with him. went out for a delicious breakfast, tried to find me a winter coat (found one at MEC but in too-small a size so just ordered a larger one online), and went skating at nathan phillips square. (who's nathan phillips?... wikipedia tells me a toronto mayor). we both rented skates that turned out to be super dull but it made for a hilario clownish time.

d arrived wednesday, on his reading week, and is staying till the weekend. so nice. as much as i'll miss living solo, i feel like i've done a good stint (a few years) and having company is/will be a nice change.

back to work.

things in the mail

am checking the mailbox excitedly these days... expecting some stuff.

seed order from william dam:
Campanula Meteora
Chaenorhinum Summer Skies
Lettuce Mesclun Salad Mix
Cucumber Salad Bush Hybrid
Petunia Fantasy Mix
Tomato Totem Hybrid
Lettuce Baby Star
Agrostemma Contessa Pale Pink
Everbearing Strawberry Temptation
Tomato Black Krim 'Organic' 1
Zinnia Deep Red
Statice QIS Formula Mixture
Coreopsis Early Sunrise
Gypsophila Covent Garden
Zinnia Sunshine Mix
Nasturtium Jewel of Africa

winter jacket from MEC

two books from amazon:
"Burpee The Complete Vegetable & Herb Gardener: A Guide To Growing Your Garden Organically"
"Living in the State of Stuck: How Assistive Technology Impacts the Lives of People with Disabilities" (work related)

Thursday, February 28, 2008

best bro

m: went test driving cars today sis
h: right owwwwnnnnn - anything good?
m: 2002 corolla 110,000kms saftied e-tested taxes in $8300
h: did you drive 'er?
m: yep i like a little more power in a car but its not too bad at all
m: its from a toyota dealership so i want to look around some more
h: is that a corolla thing or something to do with the engine of this particular car
m: engine 4 cyclinder good on gas but moms car is a 6 cylinder and has more power
h: so when you go to pass a guy you can zip by quicker?
m: ya but someone like you probably wouldn't notice lol
m: i still want to see if we can get you a good car for like 6 grand
h: ha ha
h: okay right on - there's no rush i guess so why not keep lookin eh
m: you got it
m: anyways chat with ya later sis love ya

Thursday, February 21, 2008

can't sleep

a strange day for body and spirit. aside from the massive, disastrous fire on queen st. yesterday, the city is feeling odd. tho every time i feel a jolt of angst, i try to smooth myself over with a thought of appreciation... enjoy the time here cos it's almost over. try to savour the feeling of walking east on bloor in the cold mornings, with everyone else, with the car noises and street lights and shops opening up. but i know right now, i can't actually let it into my heart in a real way because i truly feel done here. i know i'm leaving this dirty, messy, stranger-filled, smelly, ugly place and i can hardly wait another day! alas i have... about 4 more weeks to go. but they'll go quickly, and once they do, and i've settled myself hours away... i'll miss it. luckily there will be reason to come visit now and then and i'm sure that will be more than enough. in the meantime why not try to relax and enjoy what's around me... a beer with good friends after work, swimming, seeing live music, art.

tho the emotional tug-of-war is sort of wearing me out, i think. today it feels that way anyway - an old anxiety is building. this afternoon at the office my stomach was tight and mind was racing. i even skipped a good friend's birthday gathering to nurse my unwell, agitated body. but luckily through the years, i've learned what helps ease it: meditation, eating well (less sugar, no junk, no processed stuff, herbal tea instead of coffee), excercise, baths, low stress social outings, and watching the thoughts - keep 'em healthy and positive.

on that note, i shall put myself to bed with ginger tea and imaginations of wide open spaces, fresh air, friendly faces, and all the calmness and pleasantries of a life less city... soon to be reality!

Monday, February 18, 2008


another night more in meaford. the bad weather and chance for an afternoon hike around inglis falls twisted my arm into changing plans: skip this afternoon's long bus back to the city for a shorter one tomorrow at 8am. i'll get in late morning. i was thinking i'd work late too but instead i'll just take the morning off... with band practice 10pm till midnight it'll be nice to not have to rush around. while i type this, d's beside me studying for a carpentry exam tomorrow. apparently a lintel is a horizontal thing installed above a door or window to distribute the weight above it.

Monday, February 11, 2008

before and after

came to this city over five years ago exhausted... newly 23 and in a state, but weren't we all. untied myself from university, from love, from safety, from sadness and fear. months became years and time and experience evened me out: it's a good city full of places to hide and places to be seen, it's a good city full of friends, music, and opportunity. i wanted to leave as soon as i arrived but have since learned to love the time spent here and become a better person in learning to balance that. now it's time to move my matured and quieter self to the country where i belong... you know - knitting, baking, gardening.

Friday, February 08, 2008


last night after the strange noises upstairs in my neighbour's kitchen settled down, i slept. it was a good sleep wherein i didn't wake up in the middle of the night to imaginary sounds of someone breaking in. scenes of escape, grabbing the phone and a jacket, hiding or darting through the opposite exit of the intruder, the faux adrenalin... none of that played out in my sleepy and confused head. the confusion didn't come till morning, post-shower, mid-lunch-making, when one of my upstairs neighbours knocked on the door saying she couldn't get the front door open. i tried too with no luck. i invited her through and we banged out my back door through mounds of snow and ice. i shoveled for a good 20 minutes, left a message for the landlord, and went to work leaving the other girls sleeping upstairs... trapped!

Thursday, February 07, 2008

office space

sitting on the 7th floor, looking out a huge window across the horizon. i see the ROM, a tall crane, students criss-crossing st. george, buildings and buildings, lots of snow, and sunshine.

it's late afternoon so i'm sipping the last of my coffee and listening to disc drive on cbc radio 2, squinting at some code i've finally hacked into agreeing with me. soon i will stumble out into the chill and make my way down bloor, heading west. anything i need from the beer store? noah's health food? shopper's? weiner's hardware? grocery store? i'll wonder while dodging around the slower patrons heading home too.